Bad Days Come in Sets...

I have decided bad days come in sets. Not set sets either-it can be as few as two or as many as...well let's just stick with "many" for now. I have had many bad days lately and today was another. Yet still, I've been a busy beastie in my absence: writing, reading, drawing, watching anything from anime to Sherlock and several things in between, organizing, teching, listening to music, creating music, studying Japanese--and that was just today. I feel suddenly like this is opening to Tangled...no, I am not going to sing. Tomorrow might be another bad day, but I won't let it keep me down. With luck, I might even manage to say a few words here. For now, I wish you a lovely night. まったね。 (That's see you later for those of you not so Japanese minded)
-MS

Sick...

Do you ever just feel ill? I just feel ill today...mentally I mean. (if I were physically ill I would probably not be blogging...) Such thoughts flow through my head that I cannot help but question my mental state. Sigh. Do you ever wish that life would just get on with it? Whether good or bad, I think it is the waiting for that pendulum to swing that is the hardest. Just pick a side and swing already I cry, rather than leave time standing still like this. Any outcome, any direction is preferable to this toxic stagnancy. I hope to write again tomorrow--maybe I can keep it up for a change--it might even help (albeit only a little).
さよなら！
-MS

Between...

I remain trapped in between the realms...still not a part of anything it seems. I would like this cycle to end now, but wanting has no power for change it appears. I really don't think I can do this anymore. I'm not sure what that means in the end. But when objects bound together remain in constant tension something somewhere must eventually give. The question is what part will give first. In any situation it is always the weakest link in the chain. In this case that is moi. I don;t know what that means really. Perhaps I fear knowing, yet time will move me towards it whether I like it or not. I hope you like the new look. I hope to write again tomorrow.
さようなら。
-MS

The Morgue...

I've climbed out of my coffin long enough to scribble a little something here. The cobwebs are building back up here due to my unfortunate neglect of this place. I still want to redecorate and perhaps I shall...we will see.
-MS

Hello World...

Just a quick moment to say hello and let you know I'm still around. I haven't been here recently as I've been hibernating--it's bloody cold here just now. Presently I'm sitting at a desk, cup of Starbucks in hand, stealing occasional glances at a window that seems to be peaking at me. Hopefully the window doesn't notice. I still intend to redecorate around here--if my artistic side will come out into the cold anyway. A close friend recently gave me a push towards my blog. I suppose I didn't think anyone was reading. For now I wish you konichiwa and hope to see you all soon.
-MS

Blackness...

Another day, another series of events occurring seemingly chronologically that seem to make no sense. Working on many things at once, both good and bad. Above is a picture from a movie that could be fascinating or horrid depending on what direction the director takes it: Black Swan. In other news, I'm watching xxxHolic again. Such a wondrous show. CLAMP, if any of you are reading this you are all brilliant! I wish I could join...ahem. Now that I've composed myself, I will wish you farewell (for now). I'm planning on redoing the layout again. We shall see if I can climb out of the blackness long enough...
-MS

Cornered...

I'm tired today, insomnia strikes again...Ugh. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to post yesterday but I have returned today. Is anyone reading this anymore I wonder. I've said that often but I suppose the longer one lives the more they are doomed to repeat themselves. The price of being cyclical creatures I fear. I feel cornered lately. Cornered by life, cornered by other beings, cornered by my own demented brain that simply doesn't seem fit for this particular planet. There I go ranting on a needless topic again. How can a topic be needless you may ask? Technically it cannot and that word is useless filler. However, try as I may to adhere to some logical standard, I couldn't make myself alter the phrase. I now go to find some air for breathing is labored just at the moment. When will I finally react like a cornered cat and not a pet kitten...
-MS

Further Up and Further In...

Recently my closest friend quoted these words of Narnia to me and it set me thinking about the great Northernes and that master of writing. C.S. Lewis was a man after my own heart in some respects and a completely different creature in others (I doubt he growled randomly at poor passers by). I wish I could have met the man before he traveled to that yet undiscovered country. Yet perhaps one day I shall even so...
-MS

I Don't Do Resolutions...

Apparently I lied. Please accept my apologies for that. I had forgotten that the month of December is torture for moi. Now that we are beyond those holidays so many celebrate by tormenting others, I am in the state of mind to write. A new year has rolled around. To many it is a time to consider the failures of the past year and resolve to change those into successes this time around. For those as old as moi, it's merely another spiral in the endless cycles of time. Not to mention my failures are always innumerable and a change of year has no effect whatsoever upon that. I will be writing again tomorrow.
-MS

Cobwebs...

I was inspired by a favorite author of mine to visit my poor neglected blog. After dusting the place, clearing away the cobwebs and rearranging the furniture, the place is beginner to look better. I wanted to say feel there, but I stuck with look for no apparent reason. I have been living life in a hole for a while while studying masters of writing. I shant name any just at present, but know that they are masterful. I'm not particularly museful today. But I wanted to give my readers undeniable proof that I am still alive and this blog has not been abandoned. I will write again tomorrow (probably) and hopefully every day thereafter.
P.S. - If you happen to see a crazy female with a cat hat on screaming about chasing a mouse, know that you have just met me...
-MS

Sigh...

Today I am out of creative titles so something simple will have to suffice. Been unwell lately. I wonder sometimes if going mad would be easier or if I'm already there and that choice is past. Then again perhaps it really is all pointless in the end. But I suppose if I really believed that I wouldn't be tying these words out now would I? Somehow I haven't managed to completely give up on it all just yet. I suppose that is an integral part of what makes us "human". That little glowing spark that refuses to go out. It burns stubbornly against the night whether we want it to or not and we cannot get around its existence.
For now my spark stays lit somehow despite the depressing odds. And though I sit in a black pessimism hating the world half of the time, I must admit that there are things I love. So perhaps the angels are worth demons after all. Then again I'm probably just mad...

Memories...

More time has passed yet somehow I seemed not to notice. I find myself fighting the same battles and wondering if time really is moving or if I'm caught in a never ending cycle of sameness. Today's musing concerns children. Recent events have reminded me of things long forgotten. Do childhood memories that have been locked away for years crop back up because we are finally able to confront them or is it simply because they are triggered by similar sets of circumstance? So many things hold the power of memory within them, but what is it about childhood that holds such power? The picture above reminds me of me as a child. To explain would take pages, years and something of the power of the art away. A friend recently told me the arts are the back door to the soul. I wonder what darkness has crept into my soul over the years that I cannot yet remember...

Wind...

A fine good evening to all who enter here. I know it seems an eternity between posts but honestly I find it hard to actually create anything right now. I've even paused in much of art for a while--picking it back up in large part as you can tell from the new decor. I find it impossible to stop entirely, but I haven't done any large projects lately.
Depression continues to eat away at me but I seem to be better at treading the waters than once I was. Watching Criminal Minds as my present distraction. On the violent side but it works for me. Perhaps in seeing the darkness in others one's own darkness seems a little less shadowed. But this is merely a mind game we play with ourselves. And as the hopeless charade continues I wonder if any of this really matters or it's just empty words lost in the wind...